Really?!?!?

So on Sunday I went to church like usual and he came in just as it was letting out...our friend and he usually go to another service. After church he was getting baptized and having dinner with his Dad. Around 6 he texted an invite to meet him @ Joe's and then we all went over to his place. After our friend left, we were talking and he started to apologize. He was telling me about his relationship with his ex and how hard the breakup was, how he had doubts about her being a christian and how he felt he had messed up all of his relationships with sex. I was wondering up to the last bit where this was all going but after hearing that I started thinking maybe he had a point. I have always lived a bohemianesque life style, only had a handful of serious relationships and many many one nighters or friends with benefits and am getting tired of the single life. So he mentioned that at this point he feels, that for his spiritual sanity that he cannot have a relationship that is rooted in sex. I am dumbfounded...What ?!?!? a relationship without sex? I am pretty sure that never in ANY of my relationships, have I ever had relationship first and sex later. It is still mind boggling. So I see some kernel of truth in what he is saying and agree to try it, as crazy as it may seem, it may help me to grow more...we'll see.

and again.

So this evening it is pretty much a replay of the first night, our friend leaves and we talk a bit and it's back to the kissing. But in the 2 days from Tuesday to now, my cycle has started, so I mention how it's not going to work and go home, still crazy turned on. On Saturday it is another very similar evening but earlier but I am so tired and I think he is too so we call it an early night.

Next.....

The next day all I could think about was when I could get  back to the hot man, however he was least in sight...had pulled a complete disappearing act. I had our friend give him my number (I had been a bit distracted the night before), but nothing. My sex drive which has already been getting edgy, was now setting off intense solar flares and the same with the next day. Taking care of matters myself was doing nothing. By the third day I was pretty sure that all he had wanted was sex and since I hadn't gone there, he wasn't interested. So I was prepared to move on. And then he walked in to Joe's and was acting like nothing was up, I was wishing I could be aloof but I really like him and just couldn't. Feeling like an idiot and a sucker I joined him and our friend when he invited us over.

One thing.

After our friend left, I said I had better go too it was getting late. Then he hugged me, a really tight whole body hug and I put my head on his shoulder (it was so nice) then we started kissing...wow he was such a good kisser. One thing lead to another, we were heavy kissing and he was pulling my hair (in just the right way), we were touching each other through our clothes, it was so hot...then in my head this little voice said "you don’t want to be THAT girl do you". It managed to break through the heat and I heard myself saying that it was time I left and I went home.

And then

And then he started being around a lot. Occasionally he would even join me as I worked on my laptop@ Joes Addiction, a coffee shop in our neighborhood. We have a friend in common and one day I mentioned that I had noticed NK around more than usual and that I was getting the 'interest' vibe from him, but I am pretty sure my picker is broken. My inkling was confirmed and later that evening NK invited  our friend and me over to hang out at his place.

In the beginning

I've been noticing this guy NK around my social circle for a couple of years...it was always HMMM, he seems nice lol AND cute, but either or both of us were usually in a relationship.  Then he and his GF broke up, but even after a respectable time I still didn't make a move...I habitually have issues with my self esteem.